A Semi-automatic Reason Why Gay Marriage Matters

This is not my story, but it is a story that I need to tell.

My best friend of 23 years is a professor at a liberal arts college about three hours outside of Memphis, Tennessee. His partner of 8+ years, Tom (not his real name), lives in Memphis proper -- neither community has viable employment options for the other, so they commute back and forth, managing to spend 2 or 3 nights a week together. The fact that they've been able to make this medium-distance relationship work for so long speaks volumes about their commitment to each other. The fact that I must refer to these friends generically speaks volumes about the challenges still facing gay men (and women) in the South in 2008.

Tom works at a retail shop in the Midtown area of Memphis. About four months ago, an armed robber entered the store and put a 9mm pistol to Tom's head, demanding that he open and empty the company’s cash drawer and safe. As Tom fumbled, seven times, under duress to remember the proper codes, the gunman cocked the pistol and an empty shell fell out of the chamber and onto the floor. Tom finally managed to enter the proper codes; the gunman then grabbed the cash and fled.

There's nothing like the near-loss of a loved one to cause a person to ponder the gift of life and meaning of love. My best friend soon realized that had Tom been disabled or killed, he would have had: (i) no visitation/access rights during hospitalization, (ii) no say in Tom’s medical treatment and (iii) no say or control over Tom’s burial. More importantly, my buddy realized that he would never have had the opportunity to publicly affirm his love for his partner.

Six weeks ago, my best friend called me to announce that he and Tom were planning a trip to San Francisco this Christmas to get married. I was elated; he was ecstatic.

That was then. The reality of California Proposition 8 is now.

This is why gay marriage matters